What's With These Superstar Dads Getting Full Custody of Their Kids

Source

Hello everyone out there in the world (I swear I will come up with a better opening. I promise.) Anyway the reason I am writing this morning (since it is after midnight here in NC) is that I've noticed a small trend lately. If you know me then you know that I am all about gossip blogs. You know like TMZ, Media Takeout, E! Online, ect... Also if you follow those blogs you will have read or heard that Usher recently got full custody of his two young sons that he had with his ex-wife Tameka Foster. When I first saw that they were in court for it, in my mind I said "Oh Usher will probably get more visitation with his kids, but I don't see him getting full physical custody." I didn't understand what Tameka had done to make her unfit to care for her young sons. Also she has children from other relationships and their fathers aren't coming after her to take those kids away either. Well if you followed the trial, then you heard that Tameka put the smack down on Usher for bringing his new girlfriend with him to pick up his sons. Okay first of all I believe there is more to that story because being a woman, the last think you want to see is your man trying to play father of the year and family man with some new chick and YOUR kids!! So if I was in her shoes and PJ was in Usher's, then yeah, PJ may have felt a size 11 going up side his head sorry. Anyhoo there was also speculation that Usher had cheated on Tameka with one of her bridesmaids. Again if that had of been me, the trial I would be involved in would not be a custody trial, it would possibly be either an assault trial or worse. Well from the outside looking in, it seemed like more of a nasty divorce case than a custody hearing. In all I read I failed to see where Tameka would have been considered an unfit parent and that custody of her children should be stripped from her. Well maybe the judge saw something because Tameka doesn't have custody of her sons right now. Oh but not to worry, she has appealed the ruling on the grounds that the judge may be biased because Usher's attorney's contributed to that's judge's election campaigns. Of course the judge dismissed the motion to appeal and now basically Usher is stating through his attorney's that he has won and she needs to get over it. I'm sorry but in what bizarro world would a mother every stop fighting for her kids? Especially one who has not to long ago had to bury one of her kids after a tragic accident. I would fight until there were no other options, but I would not just roll over and accept what has happened and I don't believe that any reasonable person should expect Tameka to do so either. Which leads me to my question: What is with these superstar dads getting full custody without any real evidence that the mother is unfit?

I have been asking this question since Dewayne Wade got custody of his kids after a nasty and bitter divorce from his wife. His marital problems were also tabloid fodder because for a time there was the rumor that he was getting his freak on with girlfriend Gabrielle Union in front of the kids. Also Gabby lost a bit of respect from some people because D-Wade was technically still married when they got together. However, I haven't seen where he ex-wife is unfit to be a parent to their kids full time. From what I gathered she is a bit pissed off about the whole situation and if I was in her shoes, I wouldn't be skipping down the street, but that's just me. Maybe there is something that says that it would not be in the kids best interests to be with her full time, but to me it just seems that because these men are respected in their communities and make a ton of money, they have to be the best option for their kids and their relatively unknown spouses are just left with their cheese in the wind so to speak. Both D-Wade and Usher have said that their reasons for seeking full custody is because they were not getting enough visitation and time with their children and they made vows to be good fathers to their children no matter what. Don't get me wrong, I find that to be outstanding and noble due to the fact that they are trying to break a cycle of no constant male presence growing up. However, what does that do to them to be taken from their mothers who have been their since birth because you can't come to some sort of agreement. Now before people start throwing bricks through my window, the door swings both ways. The mothers can also open the door of communication and make sure that things are comfortable for all parties, but I just feel a little raw about mother's being denied the chance to raise their kids when it is the fathers who left (evidenced by the fact that they are the ones who filed for divorce).

Back to Usher real quick. Sunday night he was interviewed by Oprah and in that interview he admitted to cheating on his wife (even though he tried to say that they were separated (yeah right). Now to me when a husband cheats and there are kids involved, he not only cheats on his wife, but he cheats on his kids as well by showing them the wrong way to end a marriage that they feel is no longer working. That's just my opinion. To sum things up because I am about to fall asleep at the keyboard, I just think that these superstars are getting away with what ever because the legal system is too star struck to look at the evidence and truly do what is right for the kids. I would say to the men out there who want full custody of their kids to ask themselves are they truly doing this for the sake of their kids or are they doing this to get back at the mother for a past wrong? Is there some way to raise the kids and coexist? Well that's all I have to say about that. Until next time everybody....

A 1000 Ways To Die (But Millions of Ways To Live)

Hey everybody out there that bothers to read my blog when I post something new. I wanted to write this entry and dedicate it to my daughters Itty and Teeny (well not so Teeny because if you see her you'll want to know why I call her Teeny). This morning I woke up and after washing my face and doing my other morning business, I noticed a huge spider on the counter. I didn't know how long it had been there, but after calming my heart rate down, I did what any other arachnophobic does in a situation like that. I killed it and flushed it's body down the toilet. I then wondered what that disgusting creature was thinking before it met its end at the bottom of my pink Old Navy flip-flop. Was it thinking "ah another beautiful day" or "I wonder if that short chick is going to scream when she sees me"? Who knows and who cares. I'm sorry I hate spiders. Anyway I also started to think about myself. As far as I can remember I have always been a little terrified of three things: spiders, bees, and death. With spiders and bees, those fears can be dealt with. I just kill the buggers or run fast as I can to keep from being in the same room as them. However, death is one of those things that try as you might you're going to have to deal with one of these days. I know you are wondering "Why the hell are you dedicating a blog about death to your daughters? Oh no are you thinking about the end all beat all again? Do we need to call the doctor for you?" Don't panic. My depression has been under control for two years now, but I'm writing this for them because as of now, they have no concept of death and its permanence. I remember when my father and grandfather died. Itty was one year old and Camille wasn't even born yet. At that time, I told Itty that her granddad and PaPa had passed away and her response was to give me her juice cup and smile. I wish I could go back to that mentality that death was a foreign notion and that it didn't apply to me. However, you get to the age when someone dies or you see a death played out on television which leads to you saying "But I don't want to die" and someone saying "Well everybody dies" just as easily as someone saying "Everybody poops". You live the next years of your life knowing that anytime, your number can be up. After having Teeny and turning 30, the thought would keep me up nights. I would be scared that I would drop dead at home and the girls would be alone until Lovey came home and found my body. My biggest fear was leaving them alone without me. I would cry myself to sleep and sometimes wonder when and how it was going to happen. However, there was a problem with that. I didn't know and I wouldn't know and nothing in the world can stop it from happening. In fact I took a online questionnaire and based on my answers, with my lifestyle right now I can live to be 75. When I found that out something clicked in me and for the first night since April, I slept soundly. No tears and no thoughts in my head. The next morning when I woke up, I realized something. I could sit and continue to ponder my death and all that entailed until I became an invalid or I could just get off my butt and do the things I want to do and live each and everyday like it was my last. Because as I've said, death is one of those things that has to happen and since nobody has created an immortality potion as of yet, we just have to go with the eventual flow.

So what's waiting for us on the other side? Darkness? Heaven? Hell? Who knows and really do we care? Right now we should be worrying about if the world ended tomorrow could we say that our time on this earth was worth every minute? Did we do all that we set out to do and did we leave here better than we found it? That's what I want my girls to get from this blog someday when they are old enough to read it. Don't sit and ruminate on things that you can do nothing about and go out and do the things that you do have power over. As for me, right now I'm going to sit and do some research on how to drop the 100 pounds that I need to get rid of because when it's my time to go, I'm going to look damn fine.

Until next time my loves

P.S. I also created a "Keep Calm" poster that really puts things at ease for me. You never know when a Gin and Tonic might come in handy. Just sayin'.

Private Organizations and Companies Have The Right To Believe What They Want and I Have The Right To Disassociate From Them

I Love The Way This Oreo Looks!!

Hey everybody in Bloggoland. I haven't blogged in a long time and for that I am sorry, but rest assured that I have been thinking of just what to blog about and trust me this blog is going to be nice.

Unless you have lived under a rock for so many years you may have heard that the Boy Scouts of America has a long standing ban on homosexuals as scouts and scout leaders. If you follow the news then you have heard of scouts who have been scouting since they were little kids to the point of reaching the high ranks only to have it swept out from under them because they are homosexual. Also recently a Boy Scout den mother was banned because she's a lesbian. There has been outrage and even a lawsuit or two; one even reaching the Supreme Court where it was decided that because BSofA is a private organization they can admit or deny membership to whoever they want. Recently, BSofA had the powers that be announce that after "careful" consideration, they decided that their ban on homosexuals will not change. As for what I think of it all? I think that homosexuals should be allowed to participate in scouting. I feel that the board that decided that they would continue to feed into discrimination is only making it so people will associate scouting with discrimination and that's the sad commentary about it. I remember when my brother was a boy scout and from what I can remember, they taught pride and acceptance of all, but little did we know that there was fine print involved. As my title says, BSofA can ban homosexuals all they want because they are a private organization. However, if I have a son, I doubt that I will allow him to be a boy scout as long as this policy is in place. Where is the harm in homosexuals being involved in Boy Scouts. Do the powers that be have an antiquated notion that homosexuality can be harmful to children. It has been proven time and time again that children of same sex couples do no worse or better than children with heterosexual parents raising them. Also with pedophiles the majority of them are heterosexual, so before anyone even thinks about that just stop it. Seriously. Also if a boy scout came to my door selling popcorn, I would have to decline because I can't give money to an organization that talks of belonging and treating others with respect only to say "If you're gay, stay away". I just can't get down with that. Which brings me to my next topic: Chick-fil-A.

A few years ago, my aunt told me in conversation that we should boycott Chick-fil-A because of their stance on homosexuality and same sex marriage. At the time I took it with a grain of salt because a) I love their food and b) their lemonade and peach milkshake rocks my world. I knew that Chick-fil-A was a bit on the "heavily religious" side because they don't open on Sundays (ANYWHERE!!!) and even their kids books have a touch of Christianity to them (not an issue: I'm Baptists and so are my kids). But when I read what their President had to say about same sex marriage and families, I knew enough was enough. It's not enough that they don't support same sex marriage, but for him to say the only family they recognized was the "biblical" definition of family, it kind of pissed me off. My parents divorced when I was 8 or 9 years old and my mother raised me and my brother. We were and are a family. We had an extended family that did and continues to keep us together. We were raised to believe in Christ and the Bible, but to treat ALL people with respect. Does that make us less of anything Mr. Chick-fil-A president? I guess as long as we're spending our money gay or straight but not raised in the "family" way then it doesn't matter as long as your are spending, but once you leave then we will continue to think less of you, yeah not having it. So I resolved that the only way I would spend money in Chick-fil-A again is a)I have to be starving to the point that if I do not eat food, I could possibly die b) I would have to be tied down and force fed the food (which I would fight until I passed out from hunger or c) They change their position and stop funding these right wing nut jobs.

Well I got that off my chest. I know some of you will be like "if you boycott those two, what about the others". Hey as they come across my desk and my research I may have to boycott them as well. As of now Target is on my radar but they are recognizing that their past contributions are not good and are trying to make things right, but if I have to let them go to, I'm willing to do that. Well there you have it. I'll try to blog more often but with two little ones running around a girl can get a bit busy. Until next time.....

hotrdumommy from A-Z

I ♥ The Dog With The Shifty Eyes

Hello my lovely's! I saw this A-Z blog on Handbags and Handguns (I love her blog. It is funny, insightful, and really picks me up on a long day). I decided to insert my answers for all of you who are curious....

A. Age: 30

B. Bed size: Queen size but want a California King Bed (cue Rhianna)

C. Chore you dislike: Doing laundry. I hate hauling it down the stairs. I hate sorting it. I hate folding it and I hate putting it away. I do like the smell of detergent though...

D. Dogs: No dogs personally (Lovey won't let me have one) but I love my aunt's dog Barnaby. And my mom's dog Whitey (RIP Whitey) 

E. Essential start to your day: Teeney Tiny starts whimpering around 7:00 am. If Lovey is off work, then the smell of breakfast gets me going. 

F. Favorite color: Pink (which I hated until I became a Phi Mu) 

G. Gold or silver: You would think with my skin tone gold, but I'm a silver kind of girl.

H. Height: 5'4"

I. Instruments you play(ed): Clarinet, Viola

J. Job title: Right now Stay At Home Mom but I'm working on it

K. Kids:  Itty Bitty-2 and Teeney Tiny-3 months

L. Live: Raleigh, NC

M. Mom’s name: Korri (It's pronounced Kah-ree but everybody says Core-Ree)

N. Nicknames: So many nicknames (Affie, Bean, Beenie Weenie (thanks Dad), Mosley, Mose, Big Itty Bitty (thanks Mom), Aflac)

O. Overnight hospital stays: 3 for my back, 2 for my c-sections

P. Pet peeves: people who pop their knuckles, people who call but don't leave a message, online "tough guys" and drama queens

Q. Quote from a movie: Just one? Well okay it's more of a dialogue but it's still my favorite. "Whoa what the hell are you doing to the ni**a's towel?" "I'm drying my hands." "You're supposed to wash them first." "You saw me wash them." "I watched you get them wet." "Well this blood is hard to wash off. Maybe if I had some Lava." "Hey I used the same soap as you and when I finished the towel didn't look like no goddamn maxi pad!" Samuel L. Jackson is a genius!!

R. Righty or lefty: Righty

S. Siblings: 3 brothers 1 sister

T. Time you wake up: 7:00 am (when Lovey is working) 9:00 (when he's not)

U. Underwear: mainly boyshorts because they are comfortable

V. Vegetables you don't like: Squash

W. What makes you run late: The kids

X. X-rays you’ve had: back x-rays and a few head scans

Y. Yummy food you make: Lasagna and Gooey Toffee Butter Cake

Z. Zoo animal favorites: Polar Bears

*I wanted to direct your attention to the pic at the top. It's from the scene on the Simpsons when Homer and Mel Gibson remade Mr. Smith Goes To Washington. Homer had suggested the villain in the movie be a dog with shifty eyes and at the end of the episode, we were indulged with a shifty eyed dog*

If 30 Is The New 20 Then I'm 20 On 4/20♥♥♥

Well peeps. I'm 30 today. I can honestly say that I didn't think I would live to see it. Anyone who knows my background and what I've gone through can attest to that. All I can do is thank God for seeing me through those hard times and showing me that my life is worth living and I still have more living to do. My twenty's did kick serious ass though. I graduated from college, started a career, started a family, started this blog LOL!! What do my thirties hold for me? Well if the world doesn't end anytime soon I see myself getting into YouTube videos that will make people think and crack up at the same time. I see myself having one more baby (me and PJ love making babies because we make the cutest ones I swear). I envision going to Italy and Las Vegas (even though I have to fly which I'm not happy about). And of course I see myself blogging a whole lot more than what I've been doing (I'm a social deadbeat LOL!!). Well that's about it. In my next post I'll talk about what I did for my birthday. I can say that PJ cooked me a bangin surf 'n' turf dinner that I'll have pics of. Well I'm off like a dirty shirt!!

Mr. Nice Guy-Party Accesories

P.S. I'm aware that my birthday is also on 4/20. Back in my 20's I participated but now that I'm a wife and mother, it's not for me anymore. But if you still celebrate then rock out with your cock out. It's all love "B". I love Half Baked. To me it's one of the best stoner movies around ♥

Top 10 Favorite Beauty Items

Nothing Says Beauty and Glam Like Holly Golightly

Hey everybody out there in blog land. I wanted to post a blog about my top 10 favorite beauty items that I use. Out of the stash of products I have bought over the years, these are the ones that truly stand the test of time and that I will keep buying over and over again.

1. Queen Helene Mint Julep Mask-This mask is my fave because not only does it feel good going on but it clears my blackheads and reduces the appearance of my pores.

2. Clarisonic Facial Brush-This face brush may be costly but it is well worth the money. It removes dirt and makeup that you might not be able to remove with just your hands or a wash cloth alone.

3. Clinique Black Honey Barely There Lipstick-This lipstick is universally flattering. On me it has a nice berry color that isn't too light or too dark. In fact I wore it when I got married!

4. Ped Egg-This thing obliterates dry patches on my feet and leaves them feeling baby smooth.

5. Miracle Foot Repair-This foot cream is not only soothing to my feet, it also leaves them smooth as a baby's butt.

6. Neutrogena Sesame Oil-I love stepping out of the shower and using this oil on my skin. I remember my mom using it when I was younger and I would sneak a little for myself. It leaves my skin soft but not greasy looking.

7. Burt's Bees Lemon Butter Cuticle Cream-I love this stuff. I first got it in a mini manicure set from Barnes and Noble and I've been hooked. No signs of hangnails when I use it and the smell is heavenly.

8. IC Fantasia Smoothing Heat Protectant Serum-I always use this when I use direct heat on my hair (blow dryer, flat iron, curling iron). It leaves my hair with a little swing to it and I don't notice any heat damage which means it's doing it's job.

9. Pink Sugar Sensual Perfume-This perfume first came to my attention as a sample from a Sephora order. It has a sweet smell that is also grown up. I can wear it out on the town as well as any day appointment.

10. MAC Fix+-This spray does it all for me. It refreshes, moisturizes my face and sets my make up without making it run. It also comes in lavender scent but I'll stick with the original.

Well those are my favorites! Are there any beauty products that you can't do without?

Is Facebook and Twitter Relationship Killers? Or Do People Need To Re-evaluate Their Relationships?



This Pic Is Too Funny

 Hey everybody. If you follow me on twitter you will know that last week I said that I was going to do a blog posting that would blow your mind. Well here it is...

A week ago I was looking at my twitter timeline when I saw that on of my followers had broken up with her boyfriend (for the millionth time). Looking at his tweets I saw that basically there was alot of passive aggression on both of their parts complete with relationship status changes, flirting with followers and sub-tweeting. *If you want to know what sub-tweeting means, Google it!* One of the tweets she put was "do people in relationships need to have Twitter and Facebook"? I look at it like this. Before I met Lovey, I was in a long distance long term relationship. We started dating when I was in college and it transferred into long distance after I graduated. Well before Facebook and Twitter and even MySpace, there was Black Planet and Yahoo Messenger. Well the guy I was with was a fixture on both, as was I. Except he was talking and chatting with other women and I was not chatting with other guys (until I found out that he was and I started). The trust in our relationship was hardly there and it didn't help that I had cheated on him. He took me back and I remained faithful but you could tell that even though he said he had forgiven, he wasn't going to forget and that's where the problems lied with us. He didn't trust me and because I was afraid of the "payback" I didn't trust him. Therefore when MySpace became the big social thing and I saw comments from women calling him "baby" and saying that they missed him, I hit the roof. After eight years of lies and mistrust on both sides, we finally called it quits. Do I blame social media for the relationships demise? Hell no. It was both of us who ruined that relationship. I ruined it when I cheated a year in and he ruined it by continually punishing me for it (after he said he forgave me and all was forgotten).

Fast forward to me and Lovey's relationship. We were friends on MySpace but when we started dating we were not friends on Facebook. At first I was kind of insulted because I wanted to know what kind of guy doesn't want to be friends with his girl on Facebook. Well when Lovey explained his position, I understood but I still wanted to friend him. The way he saw it, he didn't want to be friends on Facebook and then some girl says something out the way and I'm ready to kick ass. However I posed to him, if we trust each other then what a girl says on a "wall" would not matter because I would trust that my man would tell that chick to fall back. He understood my position too but he didn't friend me until I was pregnant with Itty. The way he saw it, if he didn't do it, it would be messed up.

I know you are wondering what the point is. This point is this. It doesn't matter what kind of social media you are into. They don't ruin relationships. The people who are in them are the ones who ruin them. If there is no trust and tons of jealousy, then of course Facebook is going to exacerbate those problems because one party will see a status like as flirting and commenting as going too far. I'll say this, if you're going to be friend on Facebook or Twitter, set boundaries and expectations not only for the social network but for the relationship. If you see something that raises a red flag, discuss it without resorting to passive aggressive tactics and please don't publicize it on the same social network because then you are dragging everyone into it and you look like the jerk. Small things like what happens on Facebook and Twitter can't weaken a strong relationship. I want to use the following analogy: When I was about 14, my brother threw a bolt at our sliding glass door and it didn't shatter. However when he threw a pencil, it did shatter. The bolt weakened the glass, so the small tap of the pencil brought it crumbling down. The same can be said about a relationship. If it is hit with something hard and the relationship still stands, take care to fix the small cracks that have weakened it because something as petty and small (like the pencil) can break it completely. Until next time...