My Dad Passed Away Last Sunday, March 13, 2011

Hello everyone. I know that I was supposed to blog more often, but as the title of this blog indicates, I have been unable to do so. In my last blog I talked about how he was diagnosed with brain cancer but that he was taking his chemo and radiation treatments. Well last Sunday, he woke up to fix himself something to eat and during that time, he collapsed and had a seizure. My aunt called the EMT's and when the got there, he had gone into cardiac arrest. They tried to stabilize and revive him for 45 minutes, but there was nothing they could do. They called his time of death at 9:23 am. My mom was the one to tell me. She came to my house at around 10:00 am. Lovey answered the door and then he came upstairs and got me. When she told me I wanted to scream. In fact I did. I wanted for someone to tell me that it was a bad joke and that my dad was okay, but I knew that would not happen. His funeral was Friday, March 18, 2011. I decided to have him cremated because I couldn't afford to have him buried. Also my mom and aunt assured me that what was being cremated was a shell of my father, that his spirit had passed on. The service broke my heart even more. He was a veteran, so I received the flag that they normally drape over the casket. When the soldier brought it to me, I broke down. I guess it finally hit me. My father is dead. I will never see him again. So here it is Sunday, March 20, 2011 and it is a week since my dad died. I'm still hurting, but my grandmother said that even though I am hurting, I can't let that hurt take me away from my daughter and my family. That my father would not want me that way. I just wish I had the chance to say good-bye to him and tell him one last time that I loved him. I guess I have the chance to do that everyday now. I have his ashes. They are in an urn on my picture windowsill.
With everything that has happened, now I question my own mortality. My daughter's. My fiance's. Basically everyone in my family. It's not death that scares me. It's the when and the how. I know everyone has to die sometime. I've made my peace with that somehow. But I'm afraid that when I lay my head on my pillow, that it will be the last time I draw breath on this earth. It consumes my thoughts and I just want things to be back to normal. However, normal would mean that my father is still alive. I just want things to make sense again. That's all I want.

Seriously Dude?!?!?!?!?

Well just a few minutes ago I was going to fix a sandwich with some Lay's that we bought last night. Well while gathering my lunch supplies, I saw that Lovey (and I use that pet name for now) took the whole bag of Lay's to work this morning (jerk)! I mean really? Dude? The whole bag? So naturally I am ever so pissed right now, but it's okay because he's cooking chicken tonight and I am going to eat every piece I can. Is it petty? Yes. Do I need to get over it? Yes. But hey fair is fair. Right now I am waiting for my pan pizza from Pizza Hut and I got Itty cheese sticks so everybody is happy. Well just had to vent that out. Toodles....

Baby Has A Boo-Boo

Hi everyone. I know it's been a minute but I'm back and I vow to blog at least once a week when I have free time. Well as the title says Justine has a boo-boo. It is right below her left eye and she got it yesterday while playing at my mom's house. We were in the living room and Justine was running around when she tripped over my mom's computer chair and fell, hitting her face on the leg of the chair. She started crying and me and my mom rushed over to her. She's fine but there is a little scratch below her eye. Today when we went to Target to get my dad's medicine and some other items, another little girl was with her mom and when she saw Justine she pointed and said "Mommy boo-boo". Her mom understood because the same thing happened to her daughter when she was Justine's age too. So sigh of relief, no one thinks that I had something to do with it. I just know that now me and Lovey have to be vigilant when we are playing with Justine to make sure that she doesn't hurt herself too severely. Other than that Justine is just fine. She is growing like a weed and now she is starting to hold conversations with people. Of course no one knows what she's saying but it's fun to decipher it and talk back to her.

In wedding news, I got the save the dates, so now I have to address them and send them out. Ugh! I don't wanna (kicking and pouting). They are pretty, but man the work that is going into fixing these things. Also, we're having a bar at the reception after all due to the fact that our food and drink minimum is...wait for it...$6,000.00 before taxes and fees so I hope everyone is in a drinking mood to help us reach our goal. So me and Lovey got what we wanted. He gets his chocolate fountain and I get my booze. Everybody's happy.

In case you didn't know my dad was diagnosed with brain cancer before Christmas. Well he is doing fine. He is still going to radiation treatments and is still taking his chemo pills. In fact my little brother stayed the weekend with him. He's five. Yes I am 23 years older than my youngest brother.

In hair news, I hate my hair. It is starting to shed and break like crazy, but I'm not going to give up. I just know that a hard protein treatment is in order. Also I know that I have to lay off the excessive heat which I have been using a little too much lately. Rollersets and no heat styles only until my hair is back to its healthy state. Well that's it. I will leave you with pics of my princess and my save the date cards.

<3 until next time,
Afton