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| This Pic Is Too Funny |
A week ago I was looking at my twitter timeline when I saw that on of my followers had broken up with her boyfriend (for the millionth time). Looking at his tweets I saw that basically there was alot of passive aggression on both of their parts complete with relationship status changes, flirting with followers and sub-tweeting. *If you want to know what sub-tweeting means, Google it!* One of the tweets she put was "do people in relationships need to have Twitter and Facebook"? I look at it like this. Before I met Lovey, I was in a long distance long term relationship. We started dating when I was in college and it transferred into long distance after I graduated. Well before Facebook and Twitter and even MySpace, there was Black Planet and Yahoo Messenger. Well the guy I was with was a fixture on both, as was I. Except he was talking and chatting with other women and I was not chatting with other guys (until I found out that he was and I started). The trust in our relationship was hardly there and it didn't help that I had cheated on him. He took me back and I remained faithful but you could tell that even though he said he had forgiven, he wasn't going to forget and that's where the problems lied with us. He didn't trust me and because I was afraid of the "payback" I didn't trust him. Therefore when MySpace became the big social thing and I saw comments from women calling him "baby" and saying that they missed him, I hit the roof. After eight years of lies and mistrust on both sides, we finally called it quits. Do I blame social media for the relationships demise? Hell no. It was both of us who ruined that relationship. I ruined it when I cheated a year in and he ruined it by continually punishing me for it (after he said he forgave me and all was forgotten).
Fast forward to me and Lovey's relationship. We were friends on MySpace but when we started dating we were not friends on Facebook. At first I was kind of insulted because I wanted to know what kind of guy doesn't want to be friends with his girl on Facebook. Well when Lovey explained his position, I understood but I still wanted to friend him. The way he saw it, he didn't want to be friends on Facebook and then some girl says something out the way and I'm ready to kick ass. However I posed to him, if we trust each other then what a girl says on a "wall" would not matter because I would trust that my man would tell that chick to fall back. He understood my position too but he didn't friend me until I was pregnant with Itty. The way he saw it, if he didn't do it, it would be messed up.
I know you are wondering what the point is. This point is this. It doesn't matter what kind of social media you are into. They don't ruin relationships. The people who are in them are the ones who ruin them. If there is no trust and tons of jealousy, then of course Facebook is going to exacerbate those problems because one party will see a status like as flirting and commenting as going too far. I'll say this, if you're going to be friend on Facebook or Twitter, set boundaries and expectations not only for the social network but for the relationship. If you see something that raises a red flag, discuss it without resorting to passive aggressive tactics and please don't publicize it on the same social network because then you are dragging everyone into it and you look like the jerk. Small things like what happens on Facebook and Twitter can't weaken a strong relationship. I want to use the following analogy: When I was about 14, my brother threw a bolt at our sliding glass door and it didn't shatter. However when he threw a pencil, it did shatter. The bolt weakened the glass, so the small tap of the pencil brought it crumbling down. The same can be said about a relationship. If it is hit with something hard and the relationship still stands, take care to fix the small cracks that have weakened it because something as petty and small (like the pencil) can break it completely. Until next time...
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