I'm A Huge Frickin' Failure

I have to get somethings off my chest and where better to do it than in my blog. I am a huge failure. There I said it. I'm a gigantic failure. I can't do anything right and it's my own fucking fault. I don't have a job, my unemployment gave out, I'm failing out of my third graduate school, my plans for my wedding are slipping through my fingers, I only have $0.74 to my name. I am a huge failure. Where did it all go wrong. I had the world by the balls when I was working for the prison. I had my own place, my car, anything I wanted. I had that damn breakdown and didn't want to go back to working at the prison, so I took a job in customer service that ended up being a bunch of bullshit and they laid me off when I couldn't give them a reason to fire me. Since then I haven't been able to find any kind of job (that is worth a damn). Then crazy me I get knocked up, so now I have to struggle to provide for my daughter (which is the only reason I haven't offed myself). I wish those pills I took when I tried to kill myself worked. What is my purpose here? I have nothing to show for my life. I am in a deep depression. I just keep asking myself, "What's next?" I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, the final nail in the coffin. I am about to fail in yet another graduate program. What the hell am I doing? I don't want to apply to law school because I know they're going to say no. What's the point of hearing "NO" so many times. When I vent this to family and friends all I hear is "pray about it" "leave it to God". Well God stopped listening to me. I wish he would just do away with me instead of leaving me here miserable. I give up. This may be my last blog. I want a bottle of bourbon and a handgun so I can be done with it. It's over.